It starts with self-forgiveness.
To not create this for oneself or for another, is like putting a self imposed limit on one’s heart, and one’s capacity to love. One would be saying to themselves, “I REFUSE to let myself love more than I ever have before.”
Forgiving oneself and others is the gateway to growing our capacity to love. It is coupled intimately with humility and vulnerability. These together bring us to unconditional love for ourselves and others. It brings us to a deeper felt sense of radical compassion and acceptance.
It is what’s needed to heal ourselves, others, and ultimately our world. Each one of us holds this responsibility in our hands: of healing the world, through how we are able to heal in ourselves and our relations with each other.
If the idea of Oneness is true (which I feel is so), to not forgive another is to hold a piece of ourselves in an aggressive hostage, that only hurts us inside. Violence (which is obviously physical, though I also think can be verbal and even just energetic, as all physical violence begins with words) must be transformed for peace to take its place.
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean we are expected to make someone our friend, or have them even physically present in our life in some way. Forgiveness doesn’t mean we no longer feel bad about what happened, or that we feel remotely good about it. It’s about making peace with/accepting not feeling good about it, while at the same time we are also making peace about the thing itself.
Forgiveness is an inside job which can be applied to the external through how we choose to speak of the other person/situation, or how we interact with them in the case we cross paths out in the world. Pay very close attention to the speaking patterns about the person/situation. Are your speaking patterns still putting you in position of “this thing they did to you?”
Are you keeping yourself locked in a position of victimhood? If so, that is an indicator that you have still not fully forgiven yourself, for all of what you contributed to creating that outcome. Victimhood is a perpetual state of disempowerment, which drains us of precious resources – life-force and time (and in extreme cases, close relationships, careers, money; really anything can become the price we pay to remain a victim).
True love begins with ourselves, and the process of forgiveness offers ample opportunity to love ourselves even more than we have ever before. It is offered to us within all the small moments of ones inner experience, where we are spinning out, obsessing, on all the wrongs others have done to us.
While victimhood is a normal, natural, needed step in the healing journey, locking ourselves to it (very easy to do) is what prevents us from progressing. Be very careful and aware of subconsciously doing so, as it can create chronic psychological, spiritual, and even physical conditions.
True love is not only the rainbows and sunshine in relationships. It can be a journey through the underworld of our dark sides. It can be rough, and it can be full of pain. If we allow ourselves to go through that tumbler, our heart and soul will be polished, strong, and shiny, like a beautiful sparkling gem that we can carry within us.
It is the light from this gem within our hearts, that serves as a beacon to guide the world forward, out of the darkness, and into our healing as whole healthy vibrant beings on this planet.
Choose Love. Choose forgiveness. Choose compassion. Choose kindness.
(To yourself and everyone involved.)
Full ownership of one’s own contributions to the outcome experienced, coupled with radical self-compassion, self-acceptance, self-forgiveness, along with gratitude for the lessons learned and the “sharp beauty” that was its delivery system to you, is the psychological juggling feat required for generating the forgiveness needed to heal yourself.
Forgiveness (for self first, and then others) is the threshold to the path of clearing negative karma. If the past hurts are still plaguing you after you’ve already done so much work to heal it, the chances are that you still haven’t fully seen and owned your part in creating that outcome, and more attention (vulnerability and humility) needs to be applied to that piece. Think back to all the moments where you saw the red flags, when your intuition was alarming you, when you put your needs last, all of which you chose to ignore.
Think to all the ways you felt wronged, disrespected, devalued, dishonored, discarded, disempowered by the person/situation involved. Then reflect on all the ways you made choices (conscious or not) in that situation where the outcome of those choices you made actually created those feelings towards yourself. Chances are high that if this level of reflection is really worked with, you will clearly see the truth behind all the ways you abandoned yourself, neglected yourself, etc. Then you can apply healing to yourself through self-compassion/acceptance, kindness, forgiveness.
That is your access point of how to be able to channel forgiveness and healing to the other person/situation. That is where the true and complete healing is available to you.
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