Examining needs. It’s easy to feel that a need must be filled from the external. Yet, there is great power in redirecting it to the inner world so one can cultivate the solution to the need from within. Taking full responsibility to own the need, and in doing so, allowing it to fulfill its purpose (knowledge of self).
Being self-resourced liberates the external subject (whether person, place, thing, situation) from the projection onto it, as being the source of needs getting filled, or the source of happiness.
Of course, we are social creatures, and it is a real human need to be connected and feel a sense of belonging. I’m not suggesting here that we live as though that’s not true. What I’m suggesting here, is that a person have a healthy balance of both, being connected to others, and also empowerment through being self-resourced.
Another piece of this topic, is examining the truth behind a feeling of need – is it really a need, or is it an attachment to an idea mistaken as a need? Is there some way that the feeling (and attachment) of a feeling of need holds us back, limits us in some way? Is it really a need, or is it a want? (This piece here can be very tricky to discern.)
Review the needs that are on the surface of awareness; perhaps look to any areas of conflict or where a feeling of lack is being experienced. Follow the emotion to its root within, to help point to what the clear needs are. What is at the core of the feelings there? What is really wanted and needed (i.e. how do you want to feel, and how would this need being filled be helpful)?
Are you aware that you are capable of producing any feeling on demand? Yes, you are. We choose, moment to moment, how we feel – shaped the the perception we are viewing through. We are feeling-generating biological machines, and are able to produce feelings on demand, independent of our external circumstances.
We are that powerful and do have that much control. In fact, it is really the only thing in life we have control over, since anything in our external experience can shift or disappear in an instant.
I do recognize that there are some kinds of stresses in life that create a longer road for us to follow to our happiness within and I honor that very human and necessary journey. However, general every day life stresses are not in that category. When we redirect the focus and go within, we practice generating the feelings on our own to give support to ourselves in the ways that the need is highlighting.
The degree which one can wield this power of control will vary from person to person, based on a number of things which can all be summed up by the term – personal power.
Tapping into the power of generating one’s own feelings is not about trying to negate challenging feelings – to simply jump over them and just adopt other ways to feel. The challenging feeling, along with its information it is trying to show you something about yourself. In my experience, there is a fine line between investigating a challenging feeling and indulging in it.
A brief note on personal power here, since that is another topic all in its own, is that we are all born with an amount of personal power. We have the ability to develop, refine, and grow our storehouse of power within ourselves and our lives, through conscious effort day to day, moment to moment, through our choices of thought, feeling, words, and actions.
By refining our choices, we strengthen our ability to choose. When we make better choices, we create a better life.
Ultimately in any case, whether an external subject is capable of supporting our needs or not, it is the self who is the responsible agent for needs being met. It is an inside job that will be reflected in the outer realm of experience once the vibration of that need is a living experience that can be an anchor for its external expression to manifest.
I do also recognize that sometimes it is a journey to figure out what exactly the need is, and what is the remedy. Sometimes we can cycle around and around for months, or even years, in our journey to get clear and take appropriate action.
What happens to our relationship with the other, the subjects of our external awareness, when we let go of our attachments to them being the source of our needs being fulfilled? What happens when we redirect our attention to go within, dig up the dirt to uncover the truth of what our needs and desires are, plant the seeds of support in place, and tend the inner garden for them to grow?
Whether or not this inner work even manifests in the outer experience in the ways we hope them to, it is the process of that need being met from within that will create the foundation necessary for living an empowered fulfilled life.
It is an illusion that an external subject is the source of our happiness and well being. It is an illusion that an external subject is responsible for fulfilling our needs and desires. To live a life of wellness, joy, fulfillment, purpose, creativity, adventure, play, prosperity, depth, beauty, connection, wisdom, inspiration, and grace, we must create a solid container of self-awareness and strength of being for this energy to channel through in the ways that are genuine and authentic to us.
Seeking fulfillment of desires and needs through the external creates leaks the in the container of the self. This is a socially conditioned program that the masses have been operating within for thousands of years.
It’s important to bring patience and gentleness to the process of reformatting the program, while at the same time being committed and diligent to the practice of awareness needed to create the shifts from within.
Writing Exercise: Ask yourself, and write both the questions and the answers that arise in your mind in response to them. First, name the need or desire. How do you feel about the conflict or lack of need at this time? Then ask yourself, how is it you want to feel about this topic? Now ask yourself – what is it about this external subject, what qualifies them or it, that makes you feel like he/she/it is the source of fulfillment of this need?
Meditation Exercise: Give 10-20 minutes for this reflective experience. Close your eyes, let go of attention on this external subject, direct your attention to your inner self, and imagine that this need is completely fulfilled right now. The mind can be free from any thoughts that arise around how the need is fulfilled, and rest completely in the feeling of that fulfillment.
What does it feel like for this need to be taken care of? How would you feel in your body if so? How would you move through your day if so? How would you relate to others if it is so? How would you relate to yourself if it is so? How might you even breathe differently, or your facial expression be more relaxed and content? Would you laugh more? Would you smile at strangers more, and be more generous with your resources to help others?
Chances are, that if this is practiced consistently, or even just once, can be effective enough to give you the experience of your need being met, and of how that allows you to live a more easeful life. If you find this to be so, you can then reflect on this – you were able to generate these feelings on your own, without the external subject being present in your experience. One might respond, “Well just because I have the feeling doesn’t mean that the need is actually met in reality.”
True, the physical manifestation of that need being met may not appear out of thin air in an instant response to that feeling being generated from within. However, that feeling is an essential ingredient in the process of manifestation. It may take some time to fully embody and be reflected in the outer world, or it can happen tomorrow – you never know, the world works in mysterious and fantastic ways.
I think we’ve all had the experience at least once in our lives, where the very thing we were just thinking of presents itself within moments or just a day later. We are far more powerfully creative than we have been conditioned to believe.
The process of awakening is about peeling back these layers of conditioning to reveal our true nature as worthy whole complete divine creators, perfect just as we are. The imperfections we identify with about ourselves and others are rooted in our experiences and stories and perceptions, which are limited and twisted versions of truth.
Subtle shifts in our perceptions can open vastly different points of view, just as the almost imperceptible adjustments to a yoga posture can completely change the way we can experience that posture.
Explore, develop, and refine, the mudra of the mind that will allow for an empowered perception that puts you in control of your needs and your life.
Here’s two more blogs I’ve written that you may also enjoy:
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